Trump accuses Obama of burning popcorn

(AMP) White House - President Donald Trump stepped up allegations today by accusing former President Barack Obama of hacking the White House microwave in order to overcook popcorn. As always, Trump took to the nation’s twitter...

Pope Francis: “keep St. Patrick in St. Patrick’s Day”

(AMP) VATICAN CITY — During his weekly mass, Pope Francis urged Catholics to remember to “keep St. Patrick in St. Patrick’s day.” The mass was the kickoff to St. Patrick’s week which culminates in St....

Canadian man learns just enough Spanish to be murdered in Mexico City

(AMP) TORONTO, Canada - Local bartender Henry McCullough has acquired just enough Spanish grammar and vocabulary in preparation for his trip to Mexico to be killed in its capital city. “Duolingo has been really helpful...
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FIFA Warms President Trump To Leave Corruption, Racism To The Professionals

(AMP) In light of Donald Trump’s travel ban, FIFA president Gianni Infantino has said that the US could be prevented from hosting a future World Cup should the president continue to encroach on the...

Canadian Twenty-nine-year-old woman found tragically thirty in her home

(AMP) TORONTO, Canada – A community is grieving today after a local 29-year-old was discovered tragically thirty in her bedroom this morning. Witnesses say she felt little pain. “She was resigned to it at the...

‘I Have Four Young Children,’ Says Kellyanne Conway In Most Disturbing Public Statement To...

(AMP) WASHINGTON—Explaining that she always makes sure to leave enough time in her busy schedule to give them the proper attention, Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway told reporters Thursday, in what is her...

Obama’s Master Plan to Illegally Overthrow Trump

(AMP) The fix is in. Former president Obama is trying to overthrow Trump and assume a dictator rule over the United States. Originally investigated by several mainstream media outlets, Obama’s plan has been fully...

Brit Baffled By People Who Come From Different Cultures Doing Things Differently

(AMP) A BRITISH man is baffled by the idea that people who come from different cultures do things differently to him. Bill McKay admitted he simply could not understand why Jewish people and Muslims do...

You’re Supposed To Tip Supermarket Cashiers: Report

(AMP) WASHINGTON—According to a report released Tuesday by The American Economic Journal, you’re supposed to tip supermarket cashiers, you selfish goddamn son of a bitch. “What the f*** is wrong with you?” the report read...

Obama Working With UN to Remove Trump: US Intel Report

(AMP) A new U.S. Intel report leaked Tuesday shows that former President Barack Obama has been in secret communication with United Nations officials. While transcripts are yet to be released the reports indicate that the...

Samsung Smart TV Owner Learning About Majority Of Features From Leaked CIA Documents

DERRY, NH—Admitting that he never fully understood the device’s capabilities, local man Andrew Thurston told reporters Thursday that he was learning about the majority of his Samsung Smart TV’s features from the trove of...